Two years to the day of that near-fatal mistake and in the light of recent events, I realize that now is the best time to take stock of the relationships I have had since I landed here in August 2008. Coming here, I thought that making friends would be easy and I would have a diverse set of friends in no time. Nearly three years later, the people I have met and have considered as friends, at least to some extent, have a) left the country for various reasons, b) done some unacceptable things over a period of time that it was best to just drop them and c) continued to be my friends in a not-so-involved level. Those who have remained all happen to be fellow Pinoys who I live or have lived with. The other two are both my friends since college days. Perhaps their constant presence is the primary reason why I continue to survive. I found comfort in the fact that somebody will always be there to hear me out no matter what mood I am in. They serve as my surrogate family, stepping into the shoes of real family members who sometimes forget - asking me how I am, if I have eaten, giving me advice and alcohol relief when the going gets tough, etc. - things I will be forever grateful for. This kind of constancy, sadly, is sorely lacking in the other relationships. Maybe it's the transient nature of the country, or maybe it's the culture they grew up with, I am not sure. All I know is that I either become distant or I make an effort which, in their view is just a bit too much. Just where does one draw the line?
I think I will be kinder to myself from now on. Today, I am resigning to the fact that there will be no room for deep connections in a place like this. People will come and go and I can no longer look beyond each moment that I share with the people who I am with. There won't be any more effort to try and get to know people in a deeper level. No more thoughtful gestures except for the people who really matter. I will only give back what is given to me, however difficult it may be for me who derives happiness in going the extra mile for somebody. The real Roma will only be revealed to those who will display true commitment. I have had enough of wearing my heart on my sleeve. The barriers are now up. Two years ago, I honestly thought that someone finally understood me and got my back. Unfortunately, I was not up to his standards and so it was very convenient for him to drop me again, and again, and again. The same situation would happen with someone else later on. Estoy muy cansada. No mas.
Sadly, it seems that missing the company of true friends is the highest price I paid for leaving the motherland. Until I come home, everyone else will just be fellow travellers joining me till the next crossroad. Until I come home, I will never be fully able to be myself. For now, this is the only way I can think of to survive the harsh reality of living a strange life in a strange land.
Showing posts with label OFW. Show all posts
Showing posts with label OFW. Show all posts
Tuesday, April 26, 2011
Thursday, March 31, 2011
Home...Again!
It seems clearly insane to come home three times in a span of less than six months. It may be costly, but I would like to think of it more as investing on my sanity...hahaha! I love coming home because it offers me an opportunity to reconnect with friends and family. I can do that online, sure, but nothing beats seeing them and actually hugging and kissing them. To a certain extent, it is also indulgence on my part, because I can be the makulit Roma that everyone has come to love (I would like to think it is that! hahaha!).
However, coming home this time is slightly different - I am distracted and restless. The upcoming wedding is stressful - I am going to be a bridesmaid and the wedding is out of town. I will only be staying in the country for a little over a week - thus I need to cram dealing with banks, checkups, trips to the spa and the parlor, seeing friends, watching cable TV, etc in 10 days. I have yet to recover from the stress of losing my wallet and my Overseas Employment Certificate. There is also an amount of stress from the fact that I have lost two relatives in a span of 9 days and that I have not been able to see my relatives during this difficult time.
The process of returning to the Philippines can also be very exhausting - making sure you book the flights at the right time (especially when there are promos), planning the logistics (we don't have a car and we live 2 hours away from the airport) and deciding what to do, who to meet, etc. Then there is the herculean task of packing - baggage limit can be anything from 20-35kg and so far I have managed to bring a variety of things - an LCD TV, bottles of perfume, chocolates, books, a flat iron and even old clothes! Guess I truly have become your typical OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker), sans the glitter of gold jewelry and leather jackets, hahaha!
At the airport, you can easily distinguish the Pinoys from the rest of the world - they like to be in clusters and seem to be chatting noisily all the time! At a glance, you will think that they are all friends, but if you listen close enough, they all just met at the airport!!! Enough said about not talking to strangers! Filipinos probably have the most interesting hand-carried luggage too - the biggest teddy bear, doll or toy car, the most number of toothpaste, coffeemate, nescafe, bath soap and chocolates ever! A great number of them tote laptops and the fanciest phones too. The others are garbed in their newest Nikes. You get the old-timer OFW who is usually the calmest (been there, done that) and you get the this-is-my-first-time-to-go-home-after-X-years-and-I'm-so-excited-can't-you-tell lot who are obviously the noisiest. There is a mix of anxiety and longing in the air - ate is coming home to introduce a foreigner boyfriend or a child fathered by a foreigner, kuya is nervous to see what has become of his family after ten years, ate finally coming home after escaping from an employer from hell, kuya proudly telling everyone that his son is finishing college and you have the likes of me who just want to come home, chill out and gain a piece of her sanity back.
Once the purser announces that the plane has landed at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport, the plane bursts into life. People start bringing out their phones long before the plane reaches full stop. Some even clap their hands, overjoyed that they have finally reached their homeland. As the tube connects to the plane, people jump up and reach for their stuff in the overhead cabin. What ensues after is a mad rush to get out of the plane and survive the queues at the Immigration. Once at the baggage carousels, there is a market-like atmosphere. One by one, the luggage emerge - a balikbayan box filled with more soap, chocolate, towels, clothes and toys, 32-inch LCD TVs from every manufacturer known - and the addresses listed come from everywhere, Cagayan in the North to Davao in the South! The passengers all look haggard but still manage to smile. The Pinoy, always the gentleman, never forgets to assist the Pinay in pulling out the luggage from the carousel. Shouts of "Kabayan, salamat!" (Thank you, fellow Pinoy!) and "Ingat!" (Take care!) abound.
After leaving the Arrivals area, Pinoys then have to maneuver their way to the winding ramp to see the eagerly-awating relatives on the other side. Again, you will hear the petite Pinays letting out squeals because they are too small to resist the gravity and end up getting dragged by the trolley filled with heavy luggage. By the time everyone reaches the ramp, they are partly running, crying and laughing! The passengers now join a sea of confused faces as everyone is trying to locate their loved ones. It is only a matter of time before everyone finds each other and the confusion, longing and anxiety are replaced with laughter, smiles, hugs and kisses. The foreigner boyfriend gets a warm hug from his girlfriend's mother. The half-Pinoy, half-foreigner kid becomes the apple of everyone's eye. The father gets teary-eyed to see his kids all grown up. As for me, I always get the shock of my life because my mom just appears from out of nowhere and says Boo! (I guess I have always been scared of big crowds so I rely on my mother to find me all the time!)
Excuse me while I enjoy watching cable from my LCD TV and my aircon. :)
However, coming home this time is slightly different - I am distracted and restless. The upcoming wedding is stressful - I am going to be a bridesmaid and the wedding is out of town. I will only be staying in the country for a little over a week - thus I need to cram dealing with banks, checkups, trips to the spa and the parlor, seeing friends, watching cable TV, etc in 10 days. I have yet to recover from the stress of losing my wallet and my Overseas Employment Certificate. There is also an amount of stress from the fact that I have lost two relatives in a span of 9 days and that I have not been able to see my relatives during this difficult time.
The process of returning to the Philippines can also be very exhausting - making sure you book the flights at the right time (especially when there are promos), planning the logistics (we don't have a car and we live 2 hours away from the airport) and deciding what to do, who to meet, etc. Then there is the herculean task of packing - baggage limit can be anything from 20-35kg and so far I have managed to bring a variety of things - an LCD TV, bottles of perfume, chocolates, books, a flat iron and even old clothes! Guess I truly have become your typical OFW (Overseas Filipino Worker), sans the glitter of gold jewelry and leather jackets, hahaha!
At the airport, you can easily distinguish the Pinoys from the rest of the world - they like to be in clusters and seem to be chatting noisily all the time! At a glance, you will think that they are all friends, but if you listen close enough, they all just met at the airport!!! Enough said about not talking to strangers! Filipinos probably have the most interesting hand-carried luggage too - the biggest teddy bear, doll or toy car, the most number of toothpaste, coffeemate, nescafe, bath soap and chocolates ever! A great number of them tote laptops and the fanciest phones too. The others are garbed in their newest Nikes. You get the old-timer OFW who is usually the calmest (been there, done that) and you get the this-is-my-first-time-to-go-home-after-X-years-and-I'm-so-excited-can't-you-tell lot who are obviously the noisiest. There is a mix of anxiety and longing in the air - ate is coming home to introduce a foreigner boyfriend or a child fathered by a foreigner, kuya is nervous to see what has become of his family after ten years, ate finally coming home after escaping from an employer from hell, kuya proudly telling everyone that his son is finishing college and you have the likes of me who just want to come home, chill out and gain a piece of her sanity back.
Once the purser announces that the plane has landed at the Ninoy Aquino International Airport, the plane bursts into life. People start bringing out their phones long before the plane reaches full stop. Some even clap their hands, overjoyed that they have finally reached their homeland. As the tube connects to the plane, people jump up and reach for their stuff in the overhead cabin. What ensues after is a mad rush to get out of the plane and survive the queues at the Immigration. Once at the baggage carousels, there is a market-like atmosphere. One by one, the luggage emerge - a balikbayan box filled with more soap, chocolate, towels, clothes and toys, 32-inch LCD TVs from every manufacturer known - and the addresses listed come from everywhere, Cagayan in the North to Davao in the South! The passengers all look haggard but still manage to smile. The Pinoy, always the gentleman, never forgets to assist the Pinay in pulling out the luggage from the carousel. Shouts of "Kabayan, salamat!" (Thank you, fellow Pinoy!) and "Ingat!" (Take care!) abound.
After leaving the Arrivals area, Pinoys then have to maneuver their way to the winding ramp to see the eagerly-awating relatives on the other side. Again, you will hear the petite Pinays letting out squeals because they are too small to resist the gravity and end up getting dragged by the trolley filled with heavy luggage. By the time everyone reaches the ramp, they are partly running, crying and laughing! The passengers now join a sea of confused faces as everyone is trying to locate their loved ones. It is only a matter of time before everyone finds each other and the confusion, longing and anxiety are replaced with laughter, smiles, hugs and kisses. The foreigner boyfriend gets a warm hug from his girlfriend's mother. The half-Pinoy, half-foreigner kid becomes the apple of everyone's eye. The father gets teary-eyed to see his kids all grown up. As for me, I always get the shock of my life because my mom just appears from out of nowhere and says Boo! (I guess I have always been scared of big crowds so I rely on my mother to find me all the time!)
Excuse me while I enjoy watching cable from my LCD TV and my aircon. :)
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