15 September 2011. A day that seemed to go along smoothly until I started my journey home. I was waiting for the bus but a cab came first so I decided to take it. I sat down, paused for a while to think if I should wear a seatbelt. I got distracted and never got to put it on. In less than five minutes, the taxi I was in got hit by an incoming car as we were turning at the roundabout. My last thought was, "I hope the car will not hit my side hard or I will die."
In movie-like fashion, the next few seconds went by (in my mind at least) in slow motion. I got thrown off my seat, hit my head on the other window and hit my forehead on the back of the driver's seat. Meanwhile, the car, after the initial impact, found its way to the pavement and hit a signpost.
Thankfully, there was no blood. I knew I would only have a few bruises and a medium-sized bump on my head. Memories of my first road accident back in the Philippines flooded my mind. I wasn't shaking the way I did back then but I was frantic. I started calling people up - Ella (who was probably sleeping on the bus). No answer. John*. He is still probably at work and can easily come to my rescue. No answer. The HR Manager. Got lucky. I was in near tears and could barely speak clearly. No chance of getting me immediately, even though the office was just 5 minutes away. Tough. She advised me to just get out of the cab and hail another one. As I stood waiting, I could see the taxi driver and what looked like an Emirati woman engaging in a verbal tussle. I took a photo of the car just in case. At some point, the taxi driver even managed to ask me for 10 dirhams. I refused saying I already got hurt.
I reached home, scared as hell. I just got into an accident, the world stood still but nobody even stopped to check if I was okay. I could not get hold of my friends and when I called my mom, there was no answer either (it was 11pm in Manila). I send a message to John again. And to Ella. And to Happy. Everyone got worried. I tried my best to convince them I was fine and to their credit, they kept checking on me, until it was relatively safe for me to lie down and get some much-needed rest. My Room 311/609 were quick to send messages on Facebook as well.
The next day, my mother was still clueless about what happened. I tried to sound casual about it, "Did you know that my taxi got hit yesterday? Check fb for the photo." And then I received an equivalent of a Howler via Yahoo Messenger. I was finally convinced to go to a medical center to have a routine check.
It was not until 2 days after the accident that I had the opportunity to have my skull and neck x-rayed. Lying down on that cold metal surface felt very strange, it almost felt like I was a corpse in the morgue. I felt lonely and homesick. Then I heard strains of Apl de Ap (of the Black Eyed Peas)'s "Bebot" in the background. I just had to smile - the room was dark and somber - in stark contrast to the upbeat song about hot Filipino women!
Luckily, the radiologist was also Filipino so we had a bit of a chat. He allowed me to look at the results. Finally, I could not help but ask if I could take photos of the x-rays. He chuckled and guessed that I was going to post it on Facebook! And so here they are, four shots of my skull and neck - how interesting! :)
I have yet to fully process what has happened but I hope that the negative vibes flew upon impact. I was starting yet another life, at 30 years and 10 months, and 100 days till Christmas! Great! This was the second accident, 10 years after the first one happened. I feel blessed and extremely lucky. I must be a real cat - 2 down, 7 more to go, lol! I try to make light of things - perhaps it is not my time yet cos I haven't seen stars (ehem!) yet! It was a rude wake up call, to say the least but I know it will just be the start of another series of exciting adventures (and I hope it comes in the form of either a new job, a new country or a new relationship). For now, I am just happy to be alive and to be makulit. :)
I did not realize that it has been more than two months since I last wrote. To summarize, the last few weeks have been one giant roller coaster ride, thanks to my courageous attempt to once again shake things up.
I have been calling the Jumeirah Lake Towers area my home for a month and a few days now. Before that, I have had to sit down with various people from the company to arrange the terms of the loan, canvas several apartments, buy stuff for the home, appeal to the goodness of my colleagues and friends, make arrangements for the moving company, phone, cable, internet, DEWA and aircon and still adapt to the many changes at work. Who said moving to your own place was ever easy?
The decision to move has been a hard and I daresay a risky one. I have enjoyed the company of my flatmates for 14 months but I yearned for more space - space to think, to breathe and to cry. The seed of desire was inadvertently planted by John, whom I accompanied in his search for his first place in Dubai one fine afternoon. I thought that after three years, it was high time to aspire for something bigger. Luckily, my colleagues were all behind me and it was not very long before I finally had the keys to my very own place.
Everyone did their bit to help - from helping me move my stuff from the old flat, to giving away their sofabed and kitchenware (I only had 2 of everything, lol!), to giving their time to buy the TV and haul it in the car. Others provided moral support at times when I felt overwhelmed with the task at hand. I feel truly blessed - I must have done something right to deserve the kindness that I received over the last few weeks.
On the social front, all is fine - still going out with the same group that was formed after a meetup in the Japanese resto. I think I have scraped the bottom in terms of forming friendships with the people at work so their presence have spelled a big difference in my life. John in particular has been instrumental in helping me meet other people - first his flatmates and then his flatmates' friends at house parties. The Americans are back in the radar, yey! :) In addition to that, I have also made friends with a non-drinking set composed of an American, 2 Moroccans and 2 South Africans. It is comforting to make new friends again - I now have people to do things and share meals with - but only time will tell if they will remain companions in this Dubai journey or turn out to be real friends. I admit that I still bear scars of the people who have left my life and at this point I am not about to throw myself again to unchartered territory. John, by far, is the most accessible - living just across the road in JBR and is only a Whatsapp message away. Aside from my bestfriend, John has now become my sounding board. I feel very lucky to have him around! :)
Work-wise, everything is as complicated as it once was! After being shifted to the Recruitment Specialist role in June, they realized the setup would not work so I was back in reception in July. I am very demotivated at the moment because the hope of career growth just went pffft once again. I still enjoy being of help to everyone and they know they can rely on me for that - but it is the constant micromanaging for an unknown purpose that is making my life miserable. The lack of clarity in the chain of command, so to speak, is doing more harm than good. I even think it was better when we were left to our own devices. Everyday, I am beginning to lose faith in the leadership and with it, the hope of ever progressing in my career is slowly fading. I am willing to ride out yet another wave of discontent but this time I am unsure how long I can still hold.
The people whom I thought I have lost have begun coming back (or at least one of them definitely is) in one way or another. Whether they stay remains to be seen but I will not exert any more effort to save myself from any disappointments again.
I suppose you cannot have it all but it should not stop you from aspiring for something better. I am comforted by the fact that when everything else is turning crappy, I can go home, have a good cry and relax. I enjoy the process of making this house a home. I love being able to rediscover my passion for cooking for in immersing myself in it, I regain a sense of control. I love that I can now watch TV again, even though I have a crappy cable subscription. Best of all, I love that I have a big bed - now I can finally sleep in peace and dream of more wonderful things! :)
